King Shapur Released from Hospital; Immediately Adopts 12 Cats

King Shapur of Zargothrax has been released from hospital after almost three weeks following an explosion in his personal science laboratory. The King was rushed to hospital on May 30, following the explosion, which officials described as caused by a ‘calculation error’ in a science experiment. The explosion has not been linked to any suspicious circumstances. King Shapur is known to spend most of his time in his laboratory, located in the basement of the Royal Palace, carrying out various experiments.

The King released a proclamation that while in hospital he had a “vision from the gods” which “instructed [him] to immediately adopt twelve cats, which will be instrumental in preventing the coming apocalypse”. No further detail about this alleged apocalypse has been released by the King, and none of the leaders of Cosmic Infinity, the new religious movement Shapur follows, have said anything regarding a supposed apocalypse since 2012.

Following his release from hospital, Shapur immediately made a heavily-guarded visit to the Castle Zargo Animal Sanctuary in order to adopt the cats, before returning to the Royal Palace. Staff at the Sanctuary have refused all media interviews although, speaking on the condition of anonymity, one member of staff said: “it was really weird, he kept talking about the end of the world, but if I don’t really want to get executed for speaking on record as myself, sorry”.

Prince Bahman, the 22-year-old Crown Prince, who has been ruling the country since his father’s hospitalisation, was pictured mid-eye roll after being handed a copy of the King’s proclamation. Unlike Shapur, the other adult members of the Royal Family remain Zoroastrians, and have previously refused to make any comment regarding the King’s conversion to what many call a cult. The 11-year-old Princess Leila, however, loudly announced in the presence of media that “it’s not fair, I’m allergic to cats!” and was quickly escorted indoors.

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